In 1345, the good people of Iceland started documenting the reported sightings of a giant aquatic beast patrolling the waters of Lagarfljót Lake. Soon after, the sea serpent was deemed the Lagarfljót Worm and became part of Icelandic folklore as collected by writer Jón Árnason. Like Bigfoot, UFOs and the Loch Ness Monster, the Lagarfljót Worm has been spotted (or has it?) since the early sixties – but it wasn’t until 2012 that someone actually caught the elusive beast on video, slithering its way through the icy Icelandic waters.
It was that viral video that sparked the Fljótsdalshérað municipal council to form a 13-person “truth” commission to thoroughly investigate the Worm to determine its authenticity. Their findings were released recently and – BREAKING NEWS: THE WORM IS REAL (according to 7 of the 13 commission members).
Finnish researcher Miisa “Debbie Downer” McKeown, claims the image is just a fishing net caught on a stick but, we’re choosing to believe the majestic and ancient sea creature actually exists – which is simultaneously exciting and frightening. It’s exciting to think that after thousands of years, there are still forms of life on our planet we’ve yet to discover; but it’s frightening to wonder what other sorts of monsters – even those from horror movies – what if they were actually real?
We’ve put together a list of the 5 movie monsters we hope civilization never discovers because it would mean we would never sleep again. To qualify for this particular list, we’re excluding cliché unknowns of cryptozoology such as Bigfoot, demons, aliens, and gigantic monsters (sorry Cloverfield and Godzilla).
5. Prehistoric Giant Piranhas – Piranha 3DD
Despite having never explored the full depths of the oceans and rivers on the planet, we’ve already managed to discover some crazy killer fish lurking out there in nature. It’s bad enough that between Jaws and Shark Week on Discovery Channel, we’re hesitant about water activities as it is; knowing for sure that something as deadly as these hungry, flesh-eating, toothy piranhas are out there would be enough to make us move to the middle of the desert.
4. Gill-man – Creature from the Black Lagoon
Supposedly, the Gill-man lived during the earth’s Devonian Period (or Age of Fish) – which would make his sudden discovery in some remote Amazonian rainforest not only a miracle (he’d allegedly be over 350 million years old) but startling as well. Remember those deadly piranha we just talked about? Well, imagine one over 6 feet tall, traversing between water and land whenever he wanted. Enjoy those nightmares. On the plus side, Jeremy Wade would have a new “fish” to catch on River Monsters.
3. Crawlers – The Descent
Granted, we don’t do a lot of spelunking in our spare time (unless exploring the Bat Cave counts) but if we did, then happening upon these cannibalistic humanoids with only a carbide lamp and some rope to protect us wouldn’t be our definition of the word “ideal”. If some geologist ever announces the discovery of these things, we’re going to stay as far topside as possible.
2. The Creeper – Jeepers Creepers
The Creeper is probably the most terrifying creature on this list, simply because it smells fear and likes to wear human skin as a coat – sort of cross between a German shepherd and Buffalo Bill (Silence of the Lambs). If such a creature ever existed for real, the only way to avoid being his next body suit would be to hide in an electronically-sealed bunker for 23 days every 23rd spring. It’s only 10 more years until he hunts again – so if you need us, we’ll just be hoarding away food in an undisclosed location.
1. Graboids – Tremors
While The Creeper is the most terrifying creature on this list (it WEARS human skin for crying out loud!), the Graboid is the most dangerous. They can strike at any time from under almost any surface on Earth (except rock) and will eat you whole, then look for seconds. Basically, the Great White shark of the desert. We’ll repeat that – the GREAT WHITE SHARK OF THE DESERT!
If these things are ever unearthed, then we’re moving into the mountains and sharing a cave with Bigfoot…assuming the Crawlers don’t eat us first.
Truthfully, let’s all hope that none of these monsters ever turn up for real or there won’t be anywhere safe for any of us to hide. No matter where you go, there would be a monster lurking around the corner to gobble you up, or worse, wear you like a shirt. No thanks.
These are just some of the nightmarish beasts we would never want anyone to discover and if they are discovered, we never want to know about it – because what we don’t know, can’t hurt us, right?
Are there any monstrous movie beasts you hope science never finds living among us in real life?
Follow me on Twitter – @MoviePaul – and let’s hunt fictitious monsters together.